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Freshly spun February 27, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.
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Very soft

Cashmere. Heavenly.


Code February 27, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.

I was such a busy girl today. My shift felt…almost like you’d strapped me to a rollercoaster and set me off, full speed, only to carefully catch me at the bottom, slower, slower, stopped. Horrible metaphor, but a side effect of a busy day is a certain braindeadness. And also, making up words.

Everyone today had a rate dispute, it seemed. Out of six checkouts, three needed immediate adjustment, one current guest needed adjusting, and three people called with billing disputes. Thankfully, none of that involved me. Instead, I got to be concierge/front desk girl, answering phones and questions and researching restaurants and giving directions, printing maps and bording passes and finding a barber shop and so on. Some of these I’m used to from my other hotels…others are unique to an extended stay experience, where likely after a month of hotel living, people do need to get their hair cut, find a doctor or pharmacy, go grocery shopping, etc. I also reorganized two drawers, which seems piddly but turned into a huge project and transformed my desk into an epic disaster area – takeout menus, brochures and business cards scattered everywhere. It’s lovely now, though. Hooray for me.

So, work work work.

I do have a complaint! Life, why is international calling to expensive? It isn’t fair that my five dollars only buys one hour of phone time. Hearing ‘you have one minute’ is probably the most depressing thing ever to hear in the middle of an interesting conversation…especially when it feels like that particular conversation has lasted only five minutes. So, life, please. Cheap calling cards for all!

I am sitting outside, on a bench, once again ‘borrowing’ wireless. Because…hey, if they wanted noone to use it, they would put a password on it, right? =) At least I’m only doing emails and this thing and some IM stuff. Not going to worry with downloading on someone else’s connection…that seems rude, like being invited to spend the night at someone’s house and deciding that gives you the right to re-arrange their furniture and also eat everything in the fridge. So. It’s windy today, but warmish, though I am still wrapped in layers – my usual black on black, but this time with a mohair sweater over and a shawl over that! I’m sure my being all wrapped up makes someone happy, though! =) I had very strange dreams all night and woke up no less than three times. I seem to have the worst sleep when I know I have an alarm set…my body is just waiting for it to go off, and I wake often to see what time it is, how long I have left to sleep, and so forth.

And, continuing with the ‘random people on the street decide to talk to Brianna’ trend, a man just came up and asked me about my computer. And so, I went on and on and on about it. Because…well, I have a Mac and I love it. =) Sigh. such a stereotype. But what the crap? At least once a day I seem to get into a conversation with some person who I have never seen before, about my computer or me smiling or…who knows. And it isn’t even like I’m doing anything interesting! I am sitting somewhere, typing. Why didn’t anyone tell me it was ‘talk to Brianna’ month? I would have dressed up or something.

This is amazing. It is the daytime. And I am awake. And doing something not pertaining to getting ready for bed. I mean, yes, I’m typing on the computer, which is hardly out of the ordinary, but there is sunshine involved. Alas, all is not peaches and cream…the cars growling by are noisy and overpowered, and I don’t like wind much, but regardless, it’s pretty pleasant. If I were feeling more motivated, I’d try to find a yarn store….but I rather think I should knit up the yarn I have! For….someone. =)

Why is noone ever online when I am? It’s much more fun to type on and on when I have a nice distracting IM reminding me of what’s in my head to go on and on about…

Though, please, when I am 60 never let me wear a stupid ill fitting t-shirt with a slogan on it. Please. No ‘You’ve come a long way, baby’. No ‘Boca Raton Surf Shop!’ No red hat society! Because I’m cringing here, imagining myself mincing along somewhere wearing a huge coral shirt with little sandals and beach umbrellas silkscreened across the chest tucked into white elastic band shorts pulled too high, huge sunglasses and the least attractive purple mules ever, mouth smeared bright red. No, no, no. I’d much rather be one of the scarier older women in the billowing caftan and crazy hair, or the overdressed sort in baggy linen suits than be a ‘cute t-shirt’ one. I will have to watch myself closely to avoid this horrible fate.

Also – no buying nicknacks with the name of the town on it. Please.

I love it when guests pass me on the street and say ‘thanks for your help’. It makes me feel glowy. =)

I sort of want to go clothes shopping. But I have no money with which to go clothes shopping. So I can’t. But I want to. Because spring skirts are calling my name! Sadly, most of the shops here specialize in violent colors that make me look terminally ill. Florida isn’t much on the deep muted colors I love, prefering sherberts and shocking pinks. But I’m sure I could find something! Something swirly and cotton and…sigh. Oh, for money! Oh, the things I could buy! Of course the idea of this whole ‘only the posessions that could fit in my car’ endeavor is cutting down on the needless spending and material accumulation…but I have justification! I do not buy nicknacks, home decor, jewelry, furniture, electronics, car accessories, makeup or gadgets as a hobby. I do accumulate fiber, for spinning, spinning things, pictures and photographs, books, and clothing. So, all in all, I spend my money on mostly useful things! So, me wanting to go and buy skirts isn’t neccessarily bad…right?

Please, just agree with me. =)

It isn’t like I have the money, anyhow. And, also, when I get new things it means I can give old things away, which is very charitable, right?


I also wish I could get sushi, but I’m not hungry enough for it. If I spend money on good sushi, I will be getting alot and making the most of my extravagance. And…I would much rather be buying phone cards.

I should be spinning. Or knitting. I certainly need to wash my face! So, this will end now, and some will be sad, and some will thank god because I do have an excess of words to arrange in sentences.

Though, really, if you’re going to be exasperated by the length and content of this…you probably aren’t getting this far, and the point is moot!

Working Girl February 26, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.
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I am here. At work. Working.


At seven freaking am. (Well, ok, it’s really 9:44 am, but I got here at 7, and that is what counts. I am not a morning person). Hate mornings. Unless I’ve happened to stay up all night, and then they are bearable, but that first ‘walk outside and feel the sun hit the back of your eyes’ feeling is downright insulting, and I will not stand for it. Soon, the sun will be fired from the morning shift, and the gentle glow of the moon will take over, not to be replaced by the sun until a more decent hour (Say, 12). As soon as I am king.


I am here in Florida wearing an all black ensamble (Work does not have uniforms that fit me). I am also wrapped in a shawl, because I am cold. You would think that, given that I came here from Maine, I would be dancing around nearly naked singing peons to the sun and laying exotic spices at its alter, but that is just not the case, because my skin draws into goosebumps the instant it gets windy – and by the water, that is quite often. So, still, it’s 72 degrees and I am wrapped in cashmere. (Doesn’t that make me sound like a Rich Girl? Ha ha ha). Florida isn’t really my style…I look weird in coral and big sunglasses, and am entirely too self conscious to wander around in a bikini. Unless I’m at the beach and everyone else is wearing one. Which I won’t do, because I’m cold.




So, last night I finished plying up my cashmere, and the single only broke twice. (Someone get me a coffee, I’ve started typing in code! No, not really). It took freaking forever, because two ounces of Cashmere is alot of yardage, and also because I refused to waste even a yard (Cashmere is freaking expensive!), so I used an Andean plying bracelet which involved me wrapping all the yarn around my hand until I looked like I was wearing some sort of freakish tan turban glove. If I do this, I end up with both ends free (the beginning and the end), and can twist the two singles into two ply without any waste. And the yarn only broke…twice! Which really isn’t too bad for something fragile like cashmere. It’s now draped attractively over a chair, drying, waiting to be wound into a ball for…something. =) Now…what do I spin next? I’ll probably grab the Lorna’s Laces wool…I was getting such a nice single out of it, and after the stolid beigeness of the cashmere, I could use some violent pink, teal and purple. There’s ten freaking ounces of it, but I’m spinning it to my ‘default’ weight and style instead of having to pay attention to every few yards.


I love how moody it is outside…grey, with a tossy wind, a little warm, and the sun is peeking out of the clouds and turning plants into that unnatural shade of green you know means a storm. Why is is that rain is predicted every time I’m not working or sleeping? True, yesterday was a day off and I spend alot of it sleeping instead of…well, doing, but that was largely due to this 7-3 shift completely screwing with my sleep schedule. Last night I ventured out to Ben & Jerry’s (How lovely and divine. I have a Ben & Jerry’s a three minute walk from my house) and got dinner. Ice Cream for dinner, just one of the benefits of being an ‘independant woman’! Do you remember being little and grouchily declaring to yourself that, when you were ‘grown up’, you would have ice cream for dinner if you wanted, would stay up late, and would certainly always have the money for this or that? Well, ha ha to that little girl, because it certainly isn’t as fascinating as I imagined to sit up till 2 am watching cartoons while eating ice cream, then forcing myself to sleep so I could come to work at 7 without wanting to kill someone! And then, at 15 I was mentally decorating the lovely apartment in a city I was sure I’d get after I’d breezed through college and had a difficult but rewarding job somewhere. Well, ha ha ha to that Brianna. College? Ha! Aprtment? Ha! Though I’m sure that Brianna would find moving all over the freaking place very interesting, at this point I’d love some sort of actual house I could actually get furniture for, and not have to limit my book buying habits because they’ll no longer fit in the car. I love getting the feel for different towns, but not having a ‘home base’ is frustrating, especially packing and unpacking all of my posessions into bins to heft into my car, and driving for days and days to get to the next one. It’s lonely.


I am the boarding pass goddess today. Also, good with mapquest and the yellow pages. I occasionally think I would make a fantastic personal assistant, but I have neither the connections nor the psyche to deal with someone hurling abuse at me for forgetting he takes Splenda in his frappe and not sugar! Half twist of lemon!


I’m sure not all people requiring assistants are like this, but my imagination, it defeats me.


I still cannot believe this hotel uses a DOS based system. AUGH! Of course, it does look fabulous on a resume…the ability to use three popular PMS systems (Yes. PMS. What an unfortunate acronym…and I have no idea what it stands for). I’ve now worked all three shifts here – checkouts are dead simple, checkins a little more complex (Especially with odd points things and such. I miss my no-brand hotels!), but all in all nothing to tear my hair out over. Just….DOS. Bah. The Window’s based systems at least gave me the opportunity to find workarounds and things…less stable, sure, but also flexible and accomodating of odd requests, and lots of previewing capability. My vote is still with Opera.


I could babble on…but why?

Spinning time. February 24, 2006

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Oh, I wanted to write something, and now…it’s slipped away. Which is frustrating – how often do I get excited about paper, the smell of ink…….and then, as soon as I’ve gathered materials, apathy chases away the excitement and slumps all over me. Glomphing Apathy. What a lovely name for a band.

My door is open, and a tropical rain is pelting the sidewalk and shaking the palm fronds and making lovely wet dripping sounds outside my door. The air smells wet and green and fresh, with just a hint of wet asphalt. Rain here is different. In Maine, rain is usually grey and slow and ushers in a creeping, aching chill. It occasionally is warm and sweet and brief in the summer, and cold and brisk and promising in the spring, but the winter rain tinges all my memories of it. In Georgia, rain is usually just brutal and wet and increases humidity, though the day after, when pollen is washed away and plants perk is lovely. Here, rain seems green and heavy and almost neutral. This rain brings no wind with it, and my door stands open without soaking my carpet. The drops are large, and the ground just opens itself to it – no flooding, no puddles so far. I wish I were warm blooded enough to walk on the beach – I love the beach in the rain! But, I know I’d just end up cold and miserable, so I’ll just imagine it from the perch on my bed.

I’ve been trying to spin the last of this cashmere, because it is essential to a project I am planning! I don’t have a lot left, /and/ I have a day off tomorrow. =) Scheduling was odd today…because I worked 3-11 last night, and 11-7 am today, it’s almost like a day off, the price being a few lost hours from my ‘scheduled’ day off, which is followed by a frightening 7-11 shift. I hate mornings. They should just…go away, and leave me alone. No mornings for me, thank you. (Wow. It just gets greyer and greyer here…) I’ve never had a problem with staying awake for my night shifts, but being asleep and waking at 7? I don’t think I’ve ever done that happily. I fear the day I’ll have to become a ‘normal’ person with a ‘regular’ sleeping schedule, and people have to put up with me being grumpy until about noon.

I love the History channel. I watched something on books left out of the Bible a bit ago, which was fascinating, and now I am watching something on the Holy Grail. My thought – How on earth will you ever know? Still, the ideas and sense of the ancient always excites me. Perfect spinning programming. I wish a certain boy were here, because the conversation would be fascinating. And I could use the company, as my plan of an hour long walk down Atlantic to see if I could find the yarn shop (but not buy anything. No, really. I swear!) and also to buy coffee and poke my head into the glass galleries to see other work by artists whose work I sell in Bar Harbor. I know that sounds boring. It really isn’t! And, it helps when, in the gallery, someone can say ‘Oh, I’d like it better in blue’ and…I know exactly what it looks like in blue because I saw it in another gallery, and can describe it to them and order it. Ok, you were right. It is probably only interesting to me.

Another ‘rain’ observation. Ever watch rain on a roof? That sort of ‘blowing’ pattern it makes when the breeze catches it? Tall grass and grain makes that same ripple in the wind.

I socialized last night. Amazing. It was…interesting. Various people who work at the sister hotel, and their friends sat around and talked, and I joined. Wow…some conversations were phenomenally stupid. An argument about vegetarianism. Argument about religion, with two people going on and on about Buddism. There’s nothing wrong with Buddism, but it does seem like the new ‘fad’ religion, and most of the people I’ve met who profess it seem to enjoy it because it gives them a sense of the spiritual without requiring any sort of actual commitment. Anyway. One of the girls decided I required makeup, and put the most awful lipstick ever on my mouth. (I’d just washed my face, too =( ) She also asked me if I were just trying to be interesting. Though, at that point, I was just trying to be random because oh please can we change the subject I am so tired of listening to people babble about alternative spirituality please please please. Anyhow, it was good to talk to people, even though some of the conversation glided towards the completely inane.

On a completely superficial note (though, isn’t this all superficial? Really? Hm. Maybe this is just a disclaimer so I don’t feel guilty. Blaaaaaah) Anyway. My hair. It is drying. And the curliness does not look funky. I am so pleased.

I am also so frustrated! I am stranded here with no umbrella! I want to check my mail and type things and read things and drink overpriced coffee! I want to walk down the sidewalk and look in windows and see people and…things. And now, because I’ve procrastinated…I can do none of these things because it is raining. Grrrrrr. I have five hours before work. I need to leave this little room before then! But I’m too much of a baby to just walk through the rain. My own fault. But wet jeans are miserable. Thank goodness the TV is actually working, and that I’ve fixed the part of my wheel that snapped when I moved.

Ack. Bible code freaks me out. I do not want to live in the end times. I do not want there to be end times! I want to have children and grow old with someone and watch my children grow older and I want to make interesting things and go places. I do not want to die because a comet crashes into the earth. This is the downside to the History Channel. Sometimes, it just completely freaks me out.

I’m using the wireless at the hotel, now, by the by. I should probably just plop this into the appropriate white box and hit the button. Besides….someone is online! =)

The art of melting February 21, 2006

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1. It is green here. Not just ‘green’, like – there are many pine trees, or some of the grass has started to grow again…but GREEN! Trees are flowering, flowers are flowering, the grass is groomed within an inch of its life (and so are the people…)

2. I have coconuts in my front yard.

3. Lizards live on my front stoop.

I am currently in a bistro waiting on lunch. I am so, so very hungry it is embarrasing. The restaurant is right across from the hotel I’ll be working at, which is something, anyway. And, oddly…I have a wireless connection, which is certainly much appreciated, though also perhaps a little immoral to just ‘borrow’ it for some typing time. Ah, well. I believe in the spirit of sharing. =)

Let’s resort to just basic description. I’m in jeans and some layered shirts and sandals. I am the most dressed person in the vicinity save for an older woman sitting outside. I am also likely the palest. People here like their sun, and I feel a bit like a vampire with bad hair. Random people are saying ‘hello’. I’d forgotten about that Southern thing. It certainly happens in Maine, but usually only with eye contact. Or, perhaps, they see a girl in a restaurant with her laptop out and either think I’m important, or a critic…hah.

I’m sitting inside, because it is HOT here. Humid and eighty degrees. To my left is a courtyard with some outside seating. A few people are parked out there. Across the courtyard is a swimwear shop, and I can see many lovely ads for bikinis. The floors here are stone (Oh, my goodness. A very nice man just unwrapped my silver for me and put my napkin into my lap. That is service. Pasta’s good, too). Ah, right. Stone floors, and in front of me, above the door and stretching from one side of the room to the other is a giant wine rack. The inside walls are distressed plaster (trying to look ‘old’ and ‘Italian’), and the exterior of the restaurant itself is buttery yellow stucco.

It’s very pretty, but so often I find this sort of pretty ‘contrived’…just too carefully planned out. It’ll be fine for a few months, though…more than fine! I can walk to the water, I have a working TV and a nice bed (For once. The matresses in Maine always end up compressing to nothing). My living quarters are compact…but sort of cute. A big bedroom/livingroom/dining area, complete with tiny dropleaf table and chairs. A tiny hall, and to the left is my two burner stove (no oven), a non-functional kitchen sink, and a fridge. The whole contraption is less than three feet square. Above is a little cabinate. To the right is the bathroom – tiled shower, sink, etc. It’s about the size of a larger hotel room, but I’m not sharing with anyone, at least!

My front door opens to a courtyard with coconut palms and various other greenery. Everything’s peach stucco, and there are lizards everywhere. Even the chain stores here are groomed and stucco…nothing can look glaring or ‘tacky’ here.

I have a half hour before I go meet my boss and get some paperwork done. So, enough of the typing. (And as soon as I say that, the wireless goes away. Hmmm. Oh, it’s back!)

This pasta really is very nice!

Silence February 18, 2006

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This is the sound of my family talking!

Yes, exactly. I’ve been here for a day. As usual, my dad and I communicated by putting on music, and then changing the songs. He played poker, I talked to…..someone. =) Then he went to bed. A few hours passed. I fed the cats. I read things online. I watched a cartoon online. My brother came home. He made food. We are now sitting silently in front of the TV!

Wait, he told me about making BBQ sauce! The action never stops here!

And I guess in some places, this would be bizzare and unusual…but not so much here. I don’t recall any real ‘animated family discussions’ offhand. My siblings and I can talk individually, but argue as a group. My dad talks to me mostly about money. My mom and I do have actual conversations, and this is constantly amazing to me – a fairly recent development. Hm. Maybe this ties into my tendency to sit and not talk to anyone for days at a time? =)

I slept till five today, so right now I am in no way tired. Tomorrow, it’s lunch with mom and the Great Kitty Handoff of 2006. Then, more driving. I’m so excited about that, no. Really. I am. Totally.

Blarg. I hate just writing about my day. I’ve never found those things really interesting, unless you happen to be Mimi Smartypants. But here I find myself falling into the same old trap. I don’t even read knitting blogs if there are no pictures. I get frustrated with topical blogs that don’t mention the human behind. Perhaps I’m just picky. But I know I certainly wouldn’t read this crap.

Now the brother and I are talking politics.

Now we are watching Team America, waiting for a friend to arrive! It is nonstop exciting at Chez Flynn here. Almost 5 am.

So exciting, in fact, that I am going to stop typing.

Southern Comfort February 17, 2006

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Meaning: I don’t need a coat here!

I am in Georgia for the first time in almost a year…and it’s odd. Familiar, and different, mixed together into a confusing mesh.

Since I’ve been gone, the landscape has changed, things have shifted, and my mother has left the house. It looks….bare. No decoration. The refridgerator is empty. The mantel is bare. The tables devoid of knicknacks. It’s clean in a utilitarian way, dishes in the sink – but the desk is impeccable.

I’ll only be here for a day, not long enough for Georgia to sink into my skin, thankfully. I’m already weary of the endless billboards and random shopping centers springing from nowhere, huge boxes with glowing names plopped in the middle of scrub pine and surrounded by acres of parking lot. The first time was neat – all the choices! But now it’s dizzying and slightly depressing…they sacraficed character for choice, and community for profit margin. I’m back in the land of driving fifteen minutes to get anything…the shopping centers are almost always build miles from housing – cheap land! Here, I drive twenty minutes in one direction for groceries, in the other direction to get to my old school, in a separate direction to get to the highway. Everything’s hopelessly spread out, and I miss New England and their functioning Main Street and all the little shops with the actual owners present and accounted for. Main Street here is always silent and empty, a few struggling shops holding on, two or so bars (most people drink at the big chain restaurants), a few bank branches, and a train station they worked at making functional and then…abandoned. They’ve spruced it up, but noone ever /goes/ there, or shops there! Especially when it’s a twenty minute drive to get to town. =p

Ah, the South. It’s not like this everywhere, but most places they spread out instead of up, and growing up in this house I never knew my neighbors, and could never ‘hang out’ with anyone because…well, every place was so far away and I couldn’t drive!

I’m tired, but wired from too little sleep and too much mental activity, planning routes in my head, wondering about money, seeing my mom, going to the post office, my car’s engine…little things piling together and making my head throb. I’ve driven from Maine to Georgia in two days – certainly a record for me! The poor cats are so miserable in the car, they’re practicly smiling in the little haven I made for them in the landry room…food! Water! Litter box! Places to lay down! It’s like heaven!

I will have to make do with the couch. No biggie, I am a small person, and the couch is comfy! Hopefully, tomorrow I will sleep and sleep until I feel lighter and less kinked up – a new, smoothed out Brianna, fresh like a promising sheet of linen paper. Read for the new day to scribble profanities all over me. =p

Ah, my lousy metaphors.

I should lay down now, though, and avoid reading the news (news makes me angry.) and hope my dreams being me happy thoughts to carry me through the fun ‘split family’ day tomorrow. Ah, the obstacles to avoid! I will attempt to pay equal attention to both parents without making either feel slighted! Join with me in laughter! =p

And now the fingers go on strike. Goodnight!

Back when I sang in Italian… February 15, 2006

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Oh, that phrase. It makes me laugh. It probably isn’t the exact wording, but I remember what it refers to. (And I’m allowed to have inside jokes that only I find funny on my own blog. So there)

Anyway. So tired, up for…27 hours so far. Car has new brakes, Brianna has dizziness despite wolfing down food, and is seriously tilting back and forth in her chair, eyes bloodshot and tired. Pale as a Victorian heiress, eyes bloodshot as a freshman’s during Rush.

She however, is writing in the third person for some reason and cannot see going to sleep before she finishes the food she paid money for, and so is nearly making herself sick by trying to eat it all.

Perhaps this title should be ‘waste not, want not’.

I’m feeling insecure and transparant and not very verbose right now.

So. Goodnight.

Disarray February 14, 2006

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My room is a disaster! I’ve been slowly turning around and around and noticing…wow, is there alot of crap in here I need to put into my car tomorrow. So.

Make packing neat and carry downstairs
Bundle up and clean out car rest of way
Return battery to Wal Mart
Return keys and uniform (hideous, hideous uniform) to hotel.
Somehow make stuff fit in car. Remember the bike!
Somehow make cats fit in carriers. Remember to worm Kay!
Clean room (vacuum, spray smell stuff, make bathroom smell like bleach)
Arrange self in car
Drive south

Doesn’t that sound like just the most fun ever! Also, I’m dreading the climate shift somewhat…I’m leaving here in a sweater and hat and coat and scarf…and will end up in Florida. Also, I’ll be going from always feeling dry and parched and icky to feeling greasy and damp and icky. Just can’t win, I’ve lived all over and have yet to meet the absolute perfect climate. When and if I do, I’ll be sure to make friends with it so it will stick around.

I did manage to fit sushi into my recently busy schedule. It feels odd having to ‘fit’ something in. Because, really, before three days ago my life was just unbroken hours of sleep and reading and knitting, which sounds nice but does inevitably dull the mind and leave you staring dully at the wall for fifteen minutes only to snap out of it wondering where the time had gone. Very sad. So! I socialized! This was a Big Deal, as I rarely creep out to have conversations. It stems from being completely socially inept. I start out by talking nonstop for two hours, as if I had so many words built up that when the valve was released the poured out and smothered the poor individual spending some time with me. And then…there is silence, as I have trouble with actual give and take conversation sometimes. And then if there is a computer avaliable, I drag out my favorite flash cartoons and music videos, insisting my company find them as hilarious as I do. I’m sure it’s a trial.

Anyhow, there was sushi, and I got to hear all about my friend’s long roadtrip to Colorado and his upcoming trip to South America and how he joined an organic farming association so he can work if he runs out of money. Resourceful guy. He built a darkroom in his basement, and I got to see pictures of New York, and of Bar Harbor, and got very excited when I recognized places. Sadly, when I’m there…I work eighty hour weeks, and very rarely actually drive to all the scenic points I tell all our guests are ‘must sees’. (I know they are, I just…must sleep more than I must see, I suppose). So seeing all the nice things on film was lovely, and so was being able to go ‘Oh, those are the bubbles!’ ‘Oh, it’s Balance Rock!’. He also took some excellent shots of various pieces in the glass gallery I work at, so hopefully he’ll email those to me so I can pass them on to my boss there. /And/ I got to keep a picture of a fire juggler in New York! So, today I was resourceful and productive and social, and probably closer to a ‘normal person’ than I’ve felt in awhile.

Sometimes I wish I’d had more friends as a kid. Then perhaps I would have more social opportunities. But noooo, when I was eight, a new book was much more appealing than any person. I also went on long bike rides…alone. Long roller skating adventures…alone. At school, I would sit in the middle of the pineapple weed and hunt out morning glories and make little flower dolls (the flowers were skirts) and act out elaborate productions…alone. So, as a result, I have a very rich and active inner life, and absolutely no way to relate to other people on a normal level. Or, very few ways. I have had friends, but now the sheer effort of keeping them and staying in touch and going to their houses and talking and on and on is exhausting. And this is bad! Or, so they tell me. =) But I do get lonely…sadly, though many people say ‘Oh, Brianna! You’re awkward, but it isn’t annoying, really! You make us bread, that’s great!’ soon find it…annoying. Or exasperating. And then they give up…which is perfectly understandable, as I’ve usually given up long before they have and retreated into my reading material. I’m not sure why I’ve gone on about that, but it does make me wish I could find some morning glories!

My drive up to Bangor was a lovely opportunity to see how nicely my car was running after getting filled with fluids and tire-rotated and all that stuff. Wow. You really don’t notice how unhappy your car is until you make it happy and you feel the difference. I, sadly, tend to ignore my car and see it more as a means to an end rather than an expression of my inner self (thank goodness, I’d hate for my inner self to be dusty, cracked and dented). But it feels nice to do something for the old girl now and again. Tomorrow she’s going to be dusted and have her upholstery freshened! I’m sure she’s sleepless in anticipation.

I’m desperately trying to drink the last bit of my strawberry juice before I leave…sadly, I went grocery shopping maybe five days before I got moving orders, so there is so much I can’t take with me. Like…opened juice! So, I’m guzzling, and will be full of vitamin C to make me grow up strong. Or eliminate free radicals. Or something good, at least, I hope.

Is it bad that I’m looking forward to my drive because of the ‘eating out on someone else’s dime’ opportunities? I’m being refunded my gas, food, and tolls. Obviously I’m not going to take advantage (Yes, fill her up! Premium, please! I’ll be having dinner at ‘*’ tonight, highly praised, highly praised…meet me for a martini?), but oh how nice to not have to stick with fast food for six or so meals. Real food! Served to me! Eaten at leisure in a warm building! It’ll be amazing. So long as the traffic in DC doesn’t make me want to commit random acts of bodily harm. Seriously. Worst. Traffic. Ever.

It’s cold, and I have so much to do…yet so little time. To quote Mimi Smartypants: “When I think about the work I have to do, the needle on the Give-A-Shit-O-Meter barely moves.”

But it must…it must.

Caffine. February 13, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.
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Blessed substance. Though…I’m now jittery and overtired and skuttling around my room like one of those cheapie windup figures you might get in a happy meal. Thankfully, I am the only one around to see this, as the cats are studiously hiding under furniture, totally freaked out at the new state of the room – i.e., everything in big tupperware bins. The newest kitty, Kay, spent a good hour wandering around meowing sadly, wondering what on earth was going on. I laughed…I couldn’t help it, she looked so sad and confused and sweet.

Ooooooh, what to do, what to say, where and when to go? I have endless errands tomorrow – bank going and car servicing and cat carrier buying and car cleaning and rent paying (siiiigh). Will I have time to do everything tomorrow and leave in time for Sushi with a friend? Or, will I waste another day? This is why I dislike weekends. If only things were open today, most of this would be done!

Every time I think of myself as ‘busy’, the Little Mermaid pops into my head ‘I’m a very busy person and I havn’t got all day!’ Ah, the Little Mermaid. I’ve had such a craving for Disney movies lately…Aladdin and the Little Mermaid and Lion King. The ones I can sing every song to, in harmony! It’s a shame we have to outgrow them…some turn to musicals, and there are a few I love, but it just isn’t the same. How nice to have everything simple and pat – girl from one culture meets boy from completely different background, hilarious and troubling things happen, but in the end there is love and the princess is waving in front of the castle in her wedding dress! No mention of the difficult year that is sure to follow, testing nerves and patience as each struggle to adjust to each other’s habits, religions, tics, vices and cultures. Nothing of the poor princess feeling awkward having servants and using the wrong fork at dinner and accidentally talking too long to the pervy duke, nothing of the handsome prince getting irritated at his new wife’s social anxiety that blossomed once she realized the scope of her role, and staying out every night with his friends so he doesn’t have to deal with her depression.

Nothing against Disney movies…poor children would be scarred for life by ‘Cinderella: After the Wedding’ I imagine. But it does make you wonder…did Aladdin get heavy handed after he married Jasmine, overcompensating for his humble beginnings? Did Ariel start to crack after so many seafood suppers, and go PETA on the castle to the embarrasement of the entire family? Did Cinderella have problems with her inlaws, constantly arguing with her mother-in-law about the wages of servants and the humane trapping of mice in the cellar? I wonder…how will I deal with compromise? Everyone thinks they are flexible until they’re actually asked to give something up, when it matters. And suddenly you find out how much certain small things mean to you – like moving back in with your parents and realizing that you /liked/ being able to make bread at 3 am without anyone getting grumpy.

I’m sure time will tell – am I truly the adaptable, easygoing girl I believe I am? =)

I’m not nearly so cynical as I sound…just thinking thinking. Making sure I am /actually/ taking a step back and squinting through my good eye to see how things lay (Doesn’t that give you an image of Brianna: The Pirate?), instead of just thinking I am.

And on that note, I am downloading songs from Aladdin. Because, I really need to hear ‘One Jump Ahead’, as that’s very fun to sing along to. Also – ‘Make waaaay, for Princ Aliiiiiii’. Oh, Robin Williams. Fabulous.

One of my fondest childhood memories is from California. My family didn’t have tons of money, but when 101 Dalmations came out, we made sure to get it. In addition! We went to Penguins to get delicious frozen yoghurt sundaes. Mine was cookies and creme with hot fudge and brownie and sprinkles and whipped cream and I had never tasted anything so fabulous. My mom broke a Big Rule and let our dessert be our dinner, and we all gathered around the TV and watched the movie while devouring sweets. I loved the animation style…that sort of faded brown-heavy angular. The soft English-type accents. As much as Disney has declined these days (We need villians, Disney, please!), the old movies still bring back such great memories.

Oooh, in Prince Ali, the chorus comes in off the beat! Love it. (Such a geek. I also perk up at triplets and hemiola in music.)

In short, though…so happy today. I’m warm and clean, and hear the snowplows outside. I had…a very lovely conversation and feel….liked. ;) Soon I’ll have to start paying for the elipsis, though. I don’t know what to say these days without sounding like a moony teenager – a tone I’ve long since schooled myself to avoid, merely because the sacchrine squeal of twelve year old girls echoes piercingly through my skull, and just – no.

I can’t believe I babbled on this long about fairy tales.

And now, bed.