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Disarray February 14, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.
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My room is a disaster! I’ve been slowly turning around and around and noticing…wow, is there alot of crap in here I need to put into my car tomorrow. So.

Tomorrow:
Make packing neat and carry downstairs
Bundle up and clean out car rest of way
Return battery to Wal Mart
Return keys and uniform (hideous, hideous uniform) to hotel.
Somehow make stuff fit in car. Remember the bike!
Somehow make cats fit in carriers. Remember to worm Kay!
Clean room (vacuum, spray smell stuff, make bathroom smell like bleach)
Arrange self in car
Drive south

Doesn’t that sound like just the most fun ever! Also, I’m dreading the climate shift somewhat…I’m leaving here in a sweater and hat and coat and scarf…and will end up in Florida. Also, I’ll be going from always feeling dry and parched and icky to feeling greasy and damp and icky. Just can’t win, I’ve lived all over and have yet to meet the absolute perfect climate. When and if I do, I’ll be sure to make friends with it so it will stick around.

I did manage to fit sushi into my recently busy schedule. It feels odd having to ‘fit’ something in. Because, really, before three days ago my life was just unbroken hours of sleep and reading and knitting, which sounds nice but does inevitably dull the mind and leave you staring dully at the wall for fifteen minutes only to snap out of it wondering where the time had gone. Very sad. So! I socialized! This was a Big Deal, as I rarely creep out to have conversations. It stems from being completely socially inept. I start out by talking nonstop for two hours, as if I had so many words built up that when the valve was released the poured out and smothered the poor individual spending some time with me. And then…there is silence, as I have trouble with actual give and take conversation sometimes. And then if there is a computer avaliable, I drag out my favorite flash cartoons and music videos, insisting my company find them as hilarious as I do. I’m sure it’s a trial.

Anyhow, there was sushi, and I got to hear all about my friend’s long roadtrip to Colorado and his upcoming trip to South America and how he joined an organic farming association so he can work if he runs out of money. Resourceful guy. He built a darkroom in his basement, and I got to see pictures of New York, and of Bar Harbor, and got very excited when I recognized places. Sadly, when I’m there…I work eighty hour weeks, and very rarely actually drive to all the scenic points I tell all our guests are ‘must sees’. (I know they are, I just…must sleep more than I must see, I suppose). So seeing all the nice things on film was lovely, and so was being able to go ‘Oh, those are the bubbles!’ ‘Oh, it’s Balance Rock!’. He also took some excellent shots of various pieces in the glass gallery I work at, so hopefully he’ll email those to me so I can pass them on to my boss there. /And/ I got to keep a picture of a fire juggler in New York! So, today I was resourceful and productive and social, and probably closer to a ‘normal person’ than I’ve felt in awhile.

Sometimes I wish I’d had more friends as a kid. Then perhaps I would have more social opportunities. But noooo, when I was eight, a new book was much more appealing than any person. I also went on long bike rides…alone. Long roller skating adventures…alone. At school, I would sit in the middle of the pineapple weed and hunt out morning glories and make little flower dolls (the flowers were skirts) and act out elaborate productions…alone. So, as a result, I have a very rich and active inner life, and absolutely no way to relate to other people on a normal level. Or, very few ways. I have had friends, but now the sheer effort of keeping them and staying in touch and going to their houses and talking and on and on is exhausting. And this is bad! Or, so they tell me. =) But I do get lonely…sadly, though many people say ‘Oh, Brianna! You’re awkward, but it isn’t annoying, really! You make us bread, that’s great!’ soon find it…annoying. Or exasperating. And then they give up…which is perfectly understandable, as I’ve usually given up long before they have and retreated into my reading material. I’m not sure why I’ve gone on about that, but it does make me wish I could find some morning glories!

My drive up to Bangor was a lovely opportunity to see how nicely my car was running after getting filled with fluids and tire-rotated and all that stuff. Wow. You really don’t notice how unhappy your car is until you make it happy and you feel the difference. I, sadly, tend to ignore my car and see it more as a means to an end rather than an expression of my inner self (thank goodness, I’d hate for my inner self to be dusty, cracked and dented). But it feels nice to do something for the old girl now and again. Tomorrow she’s going to be dusted and have her upholstery freshened! I’m sure she’s sleepless in anticipation.

I’m desperately trying to drink the last bit of my strawberry juice before I leave…sadly, I went grocery shopping maybe five days before I got moving orders, so there is so much I can’t take with me. Like…opened juice! So, I’m guzzling, and will be full of vitamin C to make me grow up strong. Or eliminate free radicals. Or something good, at least, I hope.

Is it bad that I’m looking forward to my drive because of the ‘eating out on someone else’s dime’ opportunities? I’m being refunded my gas, food, and tolls. Obviously I’m not going to take advantage (Yes, fill her up! Premium, please! I’ll be having dinner at ‘*’ tonight, highly praised, highly praised…meet me for a martini?), but oh how nice to not have to stick with fast food for six or so meals. Real food! Served to me! Eaten at leisure in a warm building! It’ll be amazing. So long as the traffic in DC doesn’t make me want to commit random acts of bodily harm. Seriously. Worst. Traffic. Ever.

It’s cold, and I have so much to do…yet so little time. To quote Mimi Smartypants: “When I think about the work I have to do, the needle on the Give-A-Shit-O-Meter barely moves.”

But it must…it must.

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