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And give us this day… March 1, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.

So, my mysterious in-room wireless connection has scampered off again. I think I’ll treat it like a stray cat…oh! You’re here! I guess I’ll just…pretend you’re mine! Oh, you went away! I’m sure you’ll have fun, come back soon! =)

I am having a fabulously healthy lunch of…ice cream. Did I mention Ben and Jerry’s was right around the corner from me? Also, also, also, there is a gelato place right across the street! So, it’s actually quite…reasonable of me to have ice cream for lunch? Right? It’s made with whole milk! And there was coffee in one flavor and mint and chocolate in the other, so…I’m sure that’s good! Antioxidents and stuff, right?

Stop wincing, dairy is healthy!

HA. Hahahahha. I am watching Will and Grace. And, Karen states – ‘I haaate the doctor’s! That’s why I cut out the middle man and go straight to the pharmacist!’. And, well, really. Very funny.

How normal is it for a shower to give you a splitting headache? So annoying. I wake up after a good….12 hours of sleep (schedule flip day….7am to 3pm shift, then 11pm to 7am the next day.) hoping a shower will make me feel alive and refreshed and ready to attack my day with gusto. And instead it gives me a splitting headache and makes me want to go /back/ to bed. Which is totally pointless. At least my honey soap made my skin all happy. It is slowly going away….thankfully I have another ginormous bar held in reserve. Because there is no LUSH near here, and LUSH makes me a happy, happy girl. Just walking into the delighfully scented store and imagining all the splendid baths I can take! I refuse to order online, though, their shipping is insane. And I am not the wealthiest of girls.

I had such a tangled up night. Chatting online with no glasses on gave me a splitting headache, and then last night’s dreams were good, and also very bad. Good: Falling asleep on Someone’s shoulder. Bad: Somehow visiting my parents who now live in a war zone. Almost losing my life on several occasions, being afraid to go outside, huddling on my bed wrapped in blankets. Ha ha ha. So, weird twisty dreams, punctuated by lots of tossing and turning and blanket tossing and trying to find the bear while half asleep.

And as I seem to be ‘materialist Brianna’ today…I took a walk yesterday. And saw such lovely clothes. Flowy skirts with lacy sweaters in delicate neutrals, a pair of tailored chocolate checked capri pants with a crisp cuff paired by a fitted white button up shirt, a structured white jacket…..if only every one of these items weren’t probably several hundred dollars! Though, even if they each were ten dollars a piece, I would not have the money for them. But oh how pretty I would look! Well, probably geeky, but prettily /dressed/.

‘Unsolved Mysteries’ totally freaks me out. I hate the unexplained, and have a hard time with things I can’t control. Yet, I am still watching ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ because I am dumb.

Aaaah, this is going to be one of those blatherings where I just type random things every ten minutes when they pop into my head and there is no theme or subject or topic or even ‘Brianna has this on her mind’, but rather ‘this unconnected thing has drifted through my head, let’s just write that down for the hell of it’. Right now I am casting on 157 stitches of cashmere on my lovely rosewood needles. I am making up this pattern, so let’s hope it works.

I love cashmere. Nice fibers are such a tactile joy to work with…especially these locally processed, small batch preparations that preserve the natural character of the fiber. I really don’t like ordering commercial top…the crimp of the fibers has almost disappeared, and it just doesn’t feel like wool anymore. Of course, the fact that I don’t like to buy top means I have to buy fleece, and then comb it myself…and ladies and gentlemen, this takes forever. It is a joy to spin and work with…and even a joy to comb, but I wish it weren’t so time consuming. Of course, there are some things I just can’t process myself – cotton, cashmere, quiviut, angora more or less…perhaps if I had a drum carder. I have two fleeces I want to send off for processing…of course, that is money I don’t have! Isn’t it a pain, to know you could do so many things if you only had the money? =) But, really, that is the challenge…what can you do with what you have? I’ve done pretty well so far, thankfully.

And, along with the joy of fine yarn…is the joy of fine yarn on fine needles. Right now I’m knitting on rosewood. Blissful. Fine wood, fine fiber…a little bit of luxury in my hands! And the finished product will be equally nice, if I can at all manage it, and will be carefully labeled and wrapped and sent off! Which is often the most fun part of what I do.

An hour of soothing stockinette with my cashmere on virgin white needles (seriously. They’re white, and being used for the first time. How pure!) along with the application of some acetaminophen (I have a gigantic bottle) has me feeling much better, despite a crappy cell phone connection. I am once again watching my guilty pleasure – Project Runway…oh, design how I love thee. Though the design i tend to enjoy is inevitably marketed to the 30-something professional set rather than the ‘early 20’s party child’ I am apparently supposed to be…but. Um. No glitter, rhinestones, or frills for me, thanks. Then there is my happy little subconscious – ‘Brianna, what the hell? You do not need a kitchenaid /or/ a pearl grey wool suit! You do not have an office job! Go buy those jeans! And a frilly peasant top. Sheesh’. But still, I am drawn to Wallpaper (Does the asterisk go at the beginning or end? I do not remember), to thirty thousand dollar couches and Habu Textiles. Which begs the question…who on earth am I trying to be? I’ve successfully avoided these annoying questions for a few months now, but alas they’ve crept in again. I often feel like I’m constructing a person…take yarn, tape to spinning wheel, attach glasses with a bit of glue and sprinkle on the love of Depeche Mode and Crowded House. Mix with a touch of mountain bike related guilt, shove in bread baking and paper making, wrap in solitude, let ripen for a few years.

Then there is the guilt…because I do like to hold the idea that a person is more than the combination of their hobbies and activities…so why do I worry about it at all? I think the fact I think about it at all adds in a touch of disgust with myself. And, of course, I’d also like to be the kind of person who doesn’t wistfully window shop or lust after TV kitchens, and instead reads Great Works while writing earnestly in a journal that will be posthumously published to rave reviews.

Right now I am just hungry and desirous of an internet connection. And my shoulder hurts.

Please, send motivation.

And, a wondering. Why does the waitress walk by every time I take a big messy bite of something? I get the distinct feeling she’s sneering at me. =(


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