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Twilight March 1, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.

I am sitting in a bistro, drinking a cup of coffee in a wrinkled skirt and a wrinkled shirt rolled to my elbows, one button buttoned, reading the journal of someone I used to wish I could be.

And I know, right at this moment with a candle on my table and butter-yellow stucco outside in my careless clothes with my water with lemon on the table and some knitting near my feet, I am living…a transitional scene in a movie, an advertisement for a laptop…someone’s flashback of 23. But still, I’m feeling the odd sense of melencholy her writing used to give me, the little tinge of sadness and wistfulness, though no longer that stomach clenching soul-tearing jealousy. Thankfully, most of the bitterness has faded.

This girl was someone my boyfriend had chosen over me. Someone who wrote (writes) beautifully. A dancer, and someone with taste not prone to awkward ramblings and social inappropriateness.

But oddly, now I find myself able to appreciate her words…reading them for the story rather than the torture. Life is odd, things you were determined to hold on forever slip away and the unintentional meetings stick – I have my accidental job, my serendipitous Someone, in an unexpected location, while all my carefully planned and engineered goings on are far past and long forgotten, or just obviously never going to work. And I am different and the same, happier and still melencholy but infinately better able to orchestrate my life and be content with my workings.

So, I read and I smile and watch the sadness and jealousy stream away.

Thank goodness for coffee!


1. me* - March 3, 2006

So happy for you:)))

2. me* - March 3, 2006

btw, thelode, i was only kidding:)
and you have a nice blog:)

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