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Fermata March 30, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.

Tonight, I am sad, and imagining terrible things.

I am sitting on the bench outside the real estate office stealing wireless and staring blankly at bushes and sidewalk and fearfully at passers-by. I jump at the sound of cars, sure I will be Atlantic Avenue’s first drive-by shooting victim. Pedestrians are sure muggers, and stealers-of-laptops.

I am aware my paranoia is a bit ridiculous.

It’s windy out and I can hear the palm fronds rustling…and I tell myself it’s the ocean, which is really only a short walk away. I’m convinced it’s high tide, and sometimes that dry scratching of a leaf across the pavement draws my eyes, wondering when I’ll see water cresting over the hill and run into the street. I like the white noise, it’s comforting.

Did you know that there are noctunal sparrows? I didn’t, but one is hopping around near me and making me jump when it becomes just a shadow in my perephrial vision.

All the stoplights have changed over to pulsing yellow, and the ocean sound gets louder and louder. I’m sure it’s the waves.

Today, someone tried to break into the real estate office near my place of work. Not the one I sit outside, but one near a jewelry store (Yes, I can’t figure that one out, either). I was sad so I took a long drive that didn’t do anything but waste gasoline, and then bought pizza I knew I should be hungry for. I laid on my bed with my glasses on and watched Donnie Darko, which really was the wrong movie for the mood.

Or, the right movie, depending on whether the goal was enhancing or diminishing.

So, now I have that trapped-inside myself feeling, where my eyes are deep inside my head and sore and tired of taking in cars and trees and people and things and my head feels like only the pressure in my temples is keeping it from simply unraveling. I feel all elbows and knees and laughter feels very far away.

I went home early from work today. There was nothing to do.



1. jforjustice - March 31, 2006

Handel or Monteverdi usually snap me out of a bad mood, so long as it’s one of the upbeat pieces (almost anything from Alexander’s Feast or Io mi son giovinetta, respectively). The effect, of course, depends on whether you like Handel or Monteverdi. ;-p

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