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Charmed April 9, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.
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I've been a bit slumped lately – personal problems and relationship snaffus and all-around tangledupedness.

But, today I got spam in my inbox encouraging me to invest in stock. And the randomly generated text before and after is just….fabulous.

**

ex-choirmaster!…' Mugging, the specimen swept his jockey's cap from his
won't be any calling for the doctor, injections, or other fuss?'
from all that was happening, and only one thing could be noticed, that he
in the trash, but in a monocle, which, true, was also cracked. The little
So, maybe Aloisy Mogarych did not exist either? Oh, no! He not only
which we end it all.'
looked quite unlike an investigator and yet was one of the best in Moscow.
`Let me think it over,' the cat replied humbly, resting his elbows on
water among the broken zigzags of street lights on the bank.
nose had once been smashed by a blow from a Germanic club.
'But the thing is that he, the consultant, he… let's speak directly… is
happened with the others, too. Some son of a bitch gives me a tenner, I give
looked over with extreme thoroughness, but the walls were also tapped and
new typescript of the novel. In 1965, she prepared another typescript for
and murderers to kiss.' Margarita looked at Woland as if through a veil, her
Here Riukhin looked closely at Ivan and went cold: there was decidedly
Everything the master told the poor poet about her was the exact truth.
'You think so?' shouted Fagott, squinting at the gallery. 'In that case

*** 

It reads like the first sentences from a hundred stories, and I want to know them all! Why did the cat respond humbly? What was the barfight about? Who was the best investigator in Moscow and why didn't he look like one?

Burning questions. By far, this is my favorite kind of spam – all the randomness makes it almost like jumbled poetry that's so bizzare it can't really sound pretentious. I deleted it, but decided to keep the text alive here, to live on, inspiring others.

I bought books today, and food! It was very exciting – me, driving on the interstate for the first time in a month and a half, listening to my CDs and trying to find a far-flung grocery store. Then, the delight of discovering that the grocery store was right next to a TWO STORY Barnes & Nobles. Bliss. I wandered around in a state of book-shock, picking all sorts of things up with abandon before settling on four (two instructional, two literature), and a pack of notecards (Mark Rothko).

That done, I moseyed on to the grocery store where I also flung things into the cart with abandon. Actual veggies were purchased, along with cereal things and snacking things and real food things. I'm pretty limited as to what I can buy considering I have no way of actually cooking food. My staple ends up being the organic corn chip – can be dipped in many things, considered a grain, very tasty. I also spent $10 on a particular chocolate bar. Well, four of them. I buy this particular bar (Green and Blacks milk chocolate with almond) almost every day in Maine, but had not been able to find them here! Which is torture, as these bars are almost 50% by weight whole almonds, unlike pansy Hershey's almond bars which contain maybe four, if you're lucky. Well, they're sizable, and were on sale 2/$5! Hooray! They also carry my favorite brand of white tea (Inko's white with blueberry), but were out of stock. So I bought some Honest Tea instead (Moroccan Mint). I love the caps, and the little quote on the underside. Mine said

Everything has beauty

but not everyone sees it.

 -Confucius

So, I'm a little charmed by life right now. Worried, and feeling a bit stretched, but charmed all the same. Isn't it funny how quickly we recover sometimes? Last night, I was on an emotional adventure, visiting heartbroken, inconsolable, angry, bitter, hopeful, sad, passive, incredulous, happy, confused…I'm sure you get the picture. I went to work feeling like my eyes were about to fall out of their sockets, so tired were they. Today, I wake up…ready to face the day. I do a bit of extra work behind the desk. I go grocery shopping and put everything away. I answer email and find clothes for work and buy a new toothbrush.

I'm generally a pessimistic person. It's neither a good nor bad trait – my general explanation is that, if I expect the worst, and the worst comes, I was expecting it. If not, I am pleasently surprised. Others say 'But Brianna, if you only ever expect the worst, you are positioning yourself for inevitable failure!'. While that may be true, the few times I've actually been optimistic concerning a Life Event, I've been brutally thrown to the ground, so I'm sticking to my familiar comfort blanket – cynicism. Anyhow. My one contrary trait is my occasional mental mantra 'Everything works out for the good'. Which sounds nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, I know. But, unless I am actually facing a gunman and they are pulling the trigger, I know that in a few months…I'll still be here. And things will more or less be 'normal' for me. It occasionally sort of annoys me – what's the point of all of this if, after enduring emotional trauma, I'll be perfectly fine in a week and completely unable to summon the outrage I feel at this moment? But I suppose these sort of emotions and such are subtle, slowly changing people bit by bit. Afterall, we wouldn't be able to survive if every breakup, car accident, infidelity or death altered you drastically – you would never be able to maintain friendships, families would be constantly churning – how awful.

So, hooray for things turning out for the good. It seems that yesterday, things did. At least I /hope/ things did yesterday – the events of those three hours (and the week preceding) still leave me a bit mystified. Sigh. Fingers crossed.

My points seem to be buried these days, and clear writing is hiding from me…but my own thoughts seem to be buried under layers of half thoughts and difficult to unearth, so I suppose that's only natural.

But oh, for clarity.

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