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Contemplating. July 22, 2006

Posted by brianna in Verbosity.
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I read this phrase just a few minutes ago.

‘Um, yeah, I wasn’t alive in the 70s’

Perfectly mundane, right? I, also, was not alive in the 70’s. But of course, me being me, sitting alone surrounded by people with this lovely laptop just begging me to type things, started to try to imagine a world without a Brianna. Of course, I am not a significant, important cog in the great wheels of yadda yadda yadda, but it’s both very simple (Everything just continues. Exactly as before) and difficult. Because, really, I don’t think humans are quite set up to truly imagine their nonexistence.

I do this with pictures, too. Recently, the boyfriend (Hee. Boyfriend. Sorry, continuing) sent me pictures of him and his friends making movies, sitting around – general life photography. I now know many of the people in the pictures, but it also gave me pause – at that moment in time, none of these people were aware that there /was/ a Brianna. I think back…at that time three? years ago? Four? I don’t know. I could have been driving to work, two thousand miles away, in my wool blend hotel uniform, contemplating the mess I’d have to sort out at the front desk. I could have been a little buzzed and giggling in Athens, watching ‘Kissing Jessica Stein’ and eating baguettes I’d just made, trying to forget the bills I didn’t have the money for, the car that was recently damaged by the roommate. Further back, even, I could have been stonily serving people hotwings and trying to be cheerful at a waitressing job I certainly wasn’t cut out for. Mundane, mundane, and a short jump away all of /these/ people were going about their own mundane and ah, you get the picture and it’s so obvious, but sometimes the thinking about it makes me quiet and thoughtful.

So, I sit here in Barnes and Noble and wonder about all these people and imagine us all in little Venn diagrams of our own making with our own little colored circles barely touching – we’re in the same space, but not interacting. And they’ll go home and I’ll go home and we might never be in the same space again, or we might pass each other and be totally unaware and it’s all so lovely, everyone sort of unconsciously rubbing their personal atmospheres together without ever bothering to combine them in any way and not feeling a gain or a loss or anything.

This is possibly the most senseless thing I’ve ever written!

I do need to get coffee tonight. My personal crafting and reading and typing have gone woefully neglected as of late, as I settle in and try to keep to myself at the same time. It is fascinating to watch someone else’s circle of friends function, though. I’ve been solitary for so long it’s almost like a little reality show – hearing one thing and connecting it with everything else I’ve heard and having little pleasant realizations. Nothing shocking, but like watching a picture come together in a big never-ending jigsaw puzzle. And, back to coffee, coffee makes me happy and also energetic and I am much more inclined to do the things and read the books if I am experiencing both happiness and energy.

I am also contemplating purchasing a domain name. I don’t really need one, but I have wanted one for so long! (An aside, I actually have a folder on my bookmarks bar titled ‘want’. =) It would be nice to have a place to store all these pictures I want to take and link to and display. Slap a clever picture up just to take up space on the main page, and call it done. The new personal webspace is the webspace that isn’t, don’t you know?

I’m just way too cool for updates and that jazz. Yeah. =p

And here, for you, is me, with new hair!

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Comments»

1. thelode - August 2, 2006

So many changes and so much news and finally a long post that this reader likes … you know the stuff where you open up that head and let it flow out freely into text on blog.

can’t wait to see your blog on YOUR domain.

righteous.


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